I just wonder what it would be like to be reincarnated in an animal whose species had been so reduce...
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I just wonder what it would be like to be reincarnated in an animal whose species had been so reduced in numbers than it was in danger of extinction. What would be its feelings toward the human species whose population explosion had denied it somewhere to exist . . . I must confess that I am tempted to ask for reincarnation as a particularly deadly virus.
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[on learning that his children would be named Windsor, not Mountbatten] I'm just a bloody amoeba.
[on learning that his children would be named Windsor, not Mountbatten] I'm just a bloody amoeba.
[to a British student in Papua New Guinea] You managed not to get eaten then?
[to a British student in Papua New Guinea] You managed not to get eaten then?
[on inaugurating a display, Canada 1969] I declare this thing open, whatever it is.
[on inaugurating a display, Canada 1969] I declare this thing open, whatever it is.
The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.
The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.
[at the 1986 World Wildlife Fund conference] If it has four legs and is not a chair, has wings and i...
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[at the 1986 World Wildlife Fund conference] If it has four legs and is not a chair, has wings and is not an aeroplane, or swims and is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.
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[on the U.S. Apollo program] It seems to me that it's the best way of wasting money that I know of. ...
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[on the U.S. Apollo program] It seems to me that it's the best way of wasting money that I know of. I don't think investments on the moon pay a very high dividend.
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[when informed that a student was going to help out in Romania for six months, he asked if the stude...
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[when informed that a student was going to help out in Romania for six months, he asked if the student was going to help the Romanian orphans and was told that he was not] Ah good, there's so many over there you feel they breed them just to put in orphanages.
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[asked of a driving instructor in Scotland] How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to...
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[asked of a driving instructor in Scotland] How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?
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When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
[to an inhabitant of the Cayman Islands] Aren't most of you descended from pirates?
[to an inhabitant of the Cayman Islands] Aren't most of you descended from pirates?
[to an Australian Aborigine] Do you still throw spears at each other?
[to an Australian Aborigine] Do you still throw spears at each other?
[to a blind, wheelchair-bound woman who was accompanied by her guide dog] Do you know they're now pr...
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[to a blind, wheelchair-bound woman who was accompanied by her guide dog] Do you know they're now producing eating dogs for the anorexics?
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A gun is no more dangerous than a cricket bat in the hands of a madman.
A gun is no more dangerous than a cricket bat in the hands of a madman.
[to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary] You can't have been here that long - you haven't got a pot belly.
[to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary] You can't have been here that long - you haven't got a pot belly.
[to Barack Obama after being told that Obama had met with the Chinese and Russian ambassadors along ...
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[to Barack Obama after being told that Obama had met with the Chinese and Russian ambassadors along with David Cameron] How can you tell the difference between them?
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[In a 1966 conversation with the matron of a hospital while on a tour of the Caribbean] You have mos...
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[In a 1966 conversation with the matron of a hospital while on a tour of the Caribbean] You have mosquitoes. I have the press.
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[to a group of deaf children standing next to a Jamaican steel drum band] Deaf? If you are near ther...
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[to a group of deaf children standing next to a Jamaican steel drum band] Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf.
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[to an industrial association, during a national production lull] Gentlemen, I think it is time we p...
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[to an industrial association, during a national production lull] Gentlemen, I think it is time we pulled our fingers out.
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[in 2011, approaching his 90th birthday] Bits are beginning to drop off.
[in 2011, approaching his 90th birthday] Bits are beginning to drop off.
[after accepting a gift from a Kenyan woman] You are a woman, aren't you?
[after accepting a gift from a Kenyan woman] You are a woman, aren't you?
[to a 13-year-old aspiring astronaut, who was wishing to fly the NOVA rocket] Well, you'll never fly...
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[to a 13-year-old aspiring astronaut, who was wishing to fly the NOVA rocket] Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut.
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[of a fuse box, whilst on a tour of a factory in Edinburgh, Scotland] It looks as if it was put in b...
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[of a fuse box, whilst on a tour of a factory in Edinburgh, Scotland] It looks as if it was put in by an Indian.
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[on a visit to Lockerbie in 1993 to a man who lived in a road where eleven people had been killed by...
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[on a visit to Lockerbie in 1993 to a man who lived in a road where eleven people had been killed by wreckage from the Pan Am jumbo jet] People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still trying to dry out Windsor Castle.
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[to a group of British students in China] If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed.
[to a group of British students in China] If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed.
British women can't cook.
British women can't cook.
[in 1981, in reference to an economic recession] Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now...
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[in 1981, in reference to an economic recession] Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.
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[to a Mr. Patel--a common Indian surname--at a reception for 400 British Indian businessmen at Bucki...
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[to a Mr. Patel--a common Indian surname--at a reception for 400 British Indian businessmen at Buckingham Palace] There's a lot of your family in tonight.
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