[on Tony Martin] He's a strange guy. You've got to get to know him. Not a nice man. Very snappy, very edgy, kind of always angry. I played golf with him at Hillcrest. He hit a shot this far from the flag and he got mad because it wasn't on THIS side of the flag. Show less «

[about Jules Podell, the manager of the famous Copacabana nightclub in New York City] Howard Keel worked the club and was bombing terribly. No business. Three weeks of death. He had never talked to Podell the whole time and he sat down at Podell's booth one time and he said, "Mr. Podell, before I close I certainly would like to say hello to ya." Podell said to him, "Mr. Keel, can you take some constructive criticism?" He said, "Sure." Podell said, "Go fuck yourself!" Show less «

[on Buddy Hackett] A very angry man. He carried a gun. He was violent. He shot up a car in Vegas that parked in his spot. The Mafia wanted to kill him and I don't know who protected him. I think he shot himself in the end. He went out to the beach to die. They claimed he had a cold, but I don't think so. I think he shot himself. Show less «

[on Corbett Monica] I think everyone hated him because he would steal your act. He loved to steal. I once went to see [Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gormé] and he was working with them and I heard my jokes! One after another! "Who the hell is this Corbett Monica!?" Yeah, he was a real scumbag. Show less «

[on Woody Allen] We did a talk show, a panel together, and he disrespected somebody. I jumped into the conversation and attacked him back and we were trading lines. We were never friendly again. I used to go see him do his jazz thing in New York and he wouldn't even talk to me. Show less «

[on Al Kelly, an old-time comedian who specialized in "double talk"] We were entertaining horse people of America at The Waldorf. It was for horse owners. They hired him to double talk them and this crowd never knew that he was double talking. They had never seen that. He'd say, "You know, when your horse has the frayhayvem, you've got to pull him tight by the reins, otherwise he'll clebblelayem." They said, "My God, he's right. The little guy is right." He walked off and never got a laugh. He said, "What the hell is the matter with those people?" I said, "They believed you!" Show less «

[on Norm Crosby] Norm Crosby and I were friends for a long time, but he is a joke thief and he stole a ton of material from me and many others. He got up in temple once and started to do one of my stories. I stopped him. He's a reciter. He has no actual funny bone, but he knows how to put jokes together and blend them and do a half-hour. He was always an opening act, never a headliner. Never in your life will you meet someone who says they're a Norm Crosby fan, y'know. Show less «

[on Johnny Carson] I never got along with him. He was a terrible anti-Semite . . . Jan Murray beat him up one night. We went to a restaurant one night and he was throwing around the "Jew bastard" line, you know? Jan slapped him around. One night we had to throw him out of a party. Milton Berle threw him out on the lawn. Threw him out of the house. Show less «

[on Perry Como] I did The Perry Como Show (1948) and Perry turned on me. He didn't like the song I was doing. It was an Irish-themed show and I sang that line, "I'm the only Italian in MacNamara's Band." He thought I wrote that and told me it was in bad taste . . . Como never used me again. I couldn't believe it. What a moron! He thought I had put that in there to make fun of Italians! That's the way it went down and I never did the Como show again. Show less «

[on Jerry Lester] He was vicious. He was vicious and angry. He was only outdone by his brother Buddy Lester, who wound up living in Vegas and doing odd jobs and movie bits. Show less «

[on Don Rickles] He does twenty minutes of insults and forty minutes of apologizing . . .

[on Red Buttons] Cheapest man who ever lived. Not cheap, penurious. Naw. I'll top that even. Miserly. Never had an act. Never worked Vegas and the minute somebody died they'd go to him for an interview. He never worked Vegas. He never had an act. He went there once to The Fremont Hotel and they canceled him in one night. He had no act. He had that little Jewish, "Ho ho! Ho ho!" with three jokes. But you've got to have an act for Vegas! You've got to be a pro! . . . He schlepped along for years doing nothing until he got lucky with "Never got a dinner." That made him and he got huge money--thirty or forty thousand an appearance. He aggrandized that with his "I was there! I saw it!" bit. So in his later years he scored big. But he was always the cheapo. He and Gene Barry. Two leading cheapos . . . Show less «