By any accepted standard, I have had more than nine lives. I counted them up once, and there were th...
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By any accepted standard, I have had more than nine lives. I counted them up once, and there were thirteen times when I should have died.
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When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
Yesterday's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.
Yesterday's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.
Being barred from the White House is like being banned from the Playboy Club. It carries with it a c...
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Being barred from the White House is like being banned from the Playboy Club. It carries with it a certain distinction.
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[About the September 11, 2001 attack] The towers are gone now, reduced to bloody rubble, along with ...
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[About the September 11, 2001 attack] The towers are gone now, reduced to bloody rubble, along with all hopes for peace in our time, in the United States or any other country. Make no mistake about it: we are at war now, with somebody, and we will stay at war with that mysterious enemy for the rest of our lives.
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When I attended a press conference for Jimmy Carter, I signed more autographs than Carter did. The S...
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When I attended a press conference for Jimmy Carter, I signed more autographs than Carter did. The Secret Service agents didn't know who I was. They thought I was an astronaut.
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Paranoia is just another word for ignorance.
Paranoia is just another word for ignorance.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me...
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I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
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Where will it end? How low do you have to stoop in this country to be the President?
Where will it end? How low do you have to stoop in this country to be the President?
[After the death of Richard Nixon in 1994] If the right people had been in charge of Nixon's funeral...
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[After the death of Richard Nixon in 1994] If the right people had been in charge of Nixon's funeral, his casket would have been launched into one of those open-sewage canals that empty into the ocean just south of Los Angeles. He was a swine of a man and a jabbering dupe of a president. Nixon was so crooked that he needed servants to help him screw his pants on every morning. Even his funeral was illegal. He was queer in the deepest way. His body should have been burned in a trash bin.
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[About conservative politician/writer Pat Buchanan] "We disagree so violently on almost everything t...
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[About conservative politician/writer Pat Buchanan] "We disagree so violently on almost everything that it's a real pleasure to drink with him."
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[about the Edge] There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where ...
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[about the Edge] There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
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Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well...
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Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow! What a ride!'.
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The only difference between the Sane and the Insane is IN and yet within this word, the Sane have th...
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The only difference between the Sane and the Insane is IN and yet within this word, the Sane have the power to have the Insane locked up.
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It never got weird enough for me.
It never got weird enough for me.
Some may never live, but the crazy never die.
Some may never live, but the crazy never die.
(Concerning Garry Trudeau modeling the "Doonesbury" character "Duke" after him): "I've never met Gar...
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(Concerning Garry Trudeau modeling the "Doonesbury" character "Duke" after him): "I've never met Garry Trudeau, but if I ever do, I'll set him on fire".
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Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right a...
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Civilization ends at the waterline. Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.
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A group photo of the top ten journalists in America on any given day would be a monument to human ug...
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A group photo of the top ten journalists in America on any given day would be a monument to human ugliness.
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If I'd written all the truth I knew for the past ten years, about 600 people, including me, would be...
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If I'd written all the truth I knew for the past ten years, about 600 people, including me, would be rotting in prison cells from Rio to Seattle today. Absolute truth is a very rare and dangerous commodity in the context of professional journalism.
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The TV business is uglier than most things. It is normally perceived as some kind of cruel and shall...
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The TV business is uglier than most things. It is normally perceived as some kind of cruel and shallow money trench through the heart of the journalism industry, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs, for no good reason.
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I have a theory that the truth is never told between 9-5 business hours.
I have a theory that the truth is never told between 9-5 business hours.
The world is still a weird place, despite my efforts to make clear and perfect sense of it.
The world is still a weird place, despite my efforts to make clear and perfect sense of it.
Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
No one is stealing our freedoms, we're dealing them away.
No one is stealing our freedoms, we're dealing them away.
Life is full of odd moments; you never know when you're gonna get defiant.
Life is full of odd moments; you never know when you're gonna get defiant.
[In a letter to a friend] "Yes, once in a while I smile for a picture. See enclosed. It was taken fo...
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[In a letter to a friend] "Yes, once in a while I smile for a picture. See enclosed. It was taken for a passport."
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Freedom is something that dies unless it's used.
Freedom is something that dies unless it's used.
Morality is temporary, wisdom is permanent.
Morality is temporary, wisdom is permanent.
It's a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat sh*t and die.
It's a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat sh*t and die.
Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole lifestyle a crime in progress is not a happy p...
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Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole lifestyle a crime in progress is not a happy prospect.
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We are turning into a nation of whimpering slaves to Fear: fear of war, fear of poverty, fear of ran...
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We are turning into a nation of whimpering slaves to Fear: fear of war, fear of poverty, fear of random terrorism, fear of getting down-sized or fired because of the plunging economy, fear of getting evicted for bad debts, or suddenly getting locked up in a military detention camp on vague charges of being a terrorist sympathizer.
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The last train out of any station will not be full of nice guys.
The last train out of any station will not be full of nice guys.
[Regarding Las Vegas from when he wrote "Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas"] The city's frightening now...
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[Regarding Las Vegas from when he wrote "Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas"] The city's frightening now. That's the basis of my reaction to Las Vegas. It's not the city I wrote about. It's not the same place at all. You'll notice that even the, what do you call them, milestone or trademark casinos are now gone.
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[on Bill Clinton] It's almost embarrassing to talk about Clinton as if he were important. I'd almost...
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[on Bill Clinton] It's almost embarrassing to talk about Clinton as if he were important. I'd almost prefer Nixon. I'd say Clinton is every bit as corrupt as Nixon, but a lot smoother.
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If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up.
If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up.
