A few months ago [John F. Kennedy]'s mother said, "You have a choice. Do you want to go to camp this...
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A few months ago [John F. Kennedy]'s mother said, "You have a choice. Do you want to go to camp this year or run for President?"..
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Welcome to the Academy Awards--or as it's known at my house, Passover.
Welcome to the Academy Awards--or as it's known at my house, Passover.
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
[In reference to Macaulay Culkin] I remember when they handed out the Oscars in 1927; I was Home Alo...
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[In reference to Macaulay Culkin] I remember when they handed out the Oscars in 1927; I was Home Alone, too!
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[on Bing Crosby] A lot of people think that Bing was a loner, but Bing was a very loyal friend.
[on Bing Crosby] A lot of people think that Bing was a loner, but Bing was a very loyal friend.
[Dwight D. Eisenhower] admitted that the budget can't be balanced, and [Joseph McCarthy] said the Co...
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[Dwight D. Eisenhower] admitted that the budget can't be balanced, and [Joseph McCarthy] said the Communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days--whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.
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Pictures have been really wild this year, haven't they? Oscar has been more naked than usual. They'r...
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Pictures have been really wild this year, haven't they? Oscar has been more naked than usual. They're doing things on the screen today I wouldn't do in bed--even if I had the chance.
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[on Vincent Price] He always loved a good joke. Moreover, he was kind enough to laugh at jokes that ...
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[on Vincent Price] He always loved a good joke. Moreover, he was kind enough to laugh at jokes that weren't so good.
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Leaving [Richard Burton] alone in Paris is like leaving Jackie Gleason locked in a delicatessen.
Leaving [Richard Burton] alone in Paris is like leaving Jackie Gleason locked in a delicatessen.
I have it on good authority that [Joseph McCarthy] McCarthy is going to disclose the names of two mi...
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I have it on good authority that [Joseph McCarthy] McCarthy is going to disclose the names of two million Communists. He has just got his hands on the Moscow telephone directory.
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[on his 100th birthday] I'm so old, they've canceled my blood type.
[on his 100th birthday] I'm so old, they've canceled my blood type.
[on Jack Benny] He didn't just stand on the stage. He owned it.
[on Jack Benny] He didn't just stand on the stage. He owned it.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
I can't drink like [Lee Marvin], grunt like [Rod Steiger], enunciate like [Laurence Olivier]. And wh...
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I can't drink like [Lee Marvin], grunt like [Rod Steiger], enunciate like [Laurence Olivier]. And when it comes to [Richard Burton], I'm really in trouble.
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[on having six brothers] That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.
[on having six brothers] That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.
[on turning 70] I still chase women, but only downhill.
[on turning 70] I still chase women, but only downhill.
I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.
I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.
[on Katharine Hepburn] This dame is terrific--and expert in her craft and so electrifying on set tha...
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[on Katharine Hepburn] This dame is terrific--and expert in her craft and so electrifying on set that if you don't watch out, you're likely to wind up as part of the scenery.
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[at the height of the Cold War] We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
[at the height of the Cold War] We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
[1991] Remember, you kids, always pay to get into the movies; the Japanese need the money.
[1991] Remember, you kids, always pay to get into the movies; the Japanese need the money.
[on turning 80] It's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.
[on turning 80] It's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.
[At the Academy Awards] To all you losers, remember there's a bright side to all of this: you can st...
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[At the Academy Awards] To all you losers, remember there's a bright side to all of this: you can still run for Governor.
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[on Samuel Goldwyn, while Hope and co-star Bing Crosby were shooting Road to Morocco (1942)] Dave [d...
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[on Samuel Goldwyn, while Hope and co-star Bing Crosby were shooting Road to Morocco (1942)] Dave [director David Butler] ordered the assistant director to station the phone for "The Road to Morocco" a block and a half away from the set where we were working [to discourage Hope and Crosby from spending so much time on the phone and holding up production]. Not only that, the telephone was installed under a pile of lumber so that anyone answering it would have to slide horizontally to pick up the receiver. That worked well until the day that Sam Goldwyn called. David Butler trudged across the soundstage and into the next one and slid under the lumber pile. "Hello, Sam, what is it?" Dave said. Goldwyn was working on the script that Dave was to direct next . . . For fifteen minutes Goldwyn expounded on the intricacies of the story while "The Road to Morocco" company waited. Finally Goldwyn said, "Thanks very much for calling me" and hung up.
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[on MGM chief Louis B. Mayer] Louis B. Mayer came out west with $28.00, a box camera and an old lion...
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[on MGM chief Louis B. Mayer] Louis B. Mayer came out west with $28.00, a box camera and an old lion. He built a monument to himself--the Bank of America.
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[referring to both the film release of "Mommie Dearest" (Mommie Dearest (1981)), the biography of Jo...
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[referring to both the film release of "Mommie Dearest" (Mommie Dearest (1981)), the biography of Joan Crawford written by her daughter Christina Crawford, and the equally scathing book about Bette Davis, written by her daughter] Now I know why tigers eat their young.
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I've never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn't know how really gre...
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I've never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn't know how really great he is.
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[on being told he was being awarded an honorary knighthood] What an honor and what a surprise for a ...
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[on being told he was being awarded an honorary knighthood] What an honor and what a surprise for a boy born in England, raised in Cleveland and schooled in vaudeville.
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Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering.
[on turning 100] I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my ...
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[on turning 100] I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
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[on Jane Russell] Don't let her fool you. Tangle with her and she'll shingle your attic.
[on Jane Russell] Don't let her fool you. Tangle with her and she'll shingle your attic.
[referring to the Academy Awards ceremonies] Welcome to "You Bet Your Career."
[referring to the Academy Awards ceremonies] Welcome to "You Bet Your Career."
[referring to the Academy Awards ceremonies] Tonight we set aside petty differences, forget old feud...
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[referring to the Academy Awards ceremonies] Tonight we set aside petty differences, forget old feuds and start new ones.
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[referring to Macaulay Culkin] That kid's getting $5 million for his next picture. For this we need ...
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[referring to Macaulay Culkin] That kid's getting $5 million for his next picture. For this we need child labor laws?
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Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for e...
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Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be, "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me. And that's the way we go through life--doing nothing for each other!"
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[At the Academy Awards] We're all here to celebrate Oscar--or as he's known at my house, The Fugitiv...
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[At the Academy Awards] We're all here to celebrate Oscar--or as he's known at my house, The Fugitive!
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When vaudeville died, television was the box they put it in.
When vaudeville died, television was the box they put it in.
I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have d...
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I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
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[about his arrival in Hollywood in 1937] At last Paramount could no longer ignore the inevitable, an...
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[about his arrival in Hollywood in 1937] At last Paramount could no longer ignore the inevitable, and I was brought to Hollywood with great fanfare. A man in a red cap met me at the station and showed me to the nearest streetcar.
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[on growing up in poverty] Four of us slept in one bed. When it got cold mother threw on another bro...
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[on growing up in poverty] Four of us slept in one bed. When it got cold mother threw on another brother.
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[on Dorothy Lamour] Dottie was fearless. She stands there before the camera and ad libs with Bing Cr...
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[on Dorothy Lamour] Dottie was fearless. She stands there before the camera and ad libs with Bing Crosby and me, fully knowing the way the script's written, she'll come up second or third best.
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I do benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
I do benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
[at the 50th Anniversary Academy Awards, referring to Oscar Winners Tribute Sequence] They've all go...
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[at the 50th Anniversary Academy Awards, referring to Oscar Winners Tribute Sequence] They've all got their Oscars. But are they happy?
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[on Grauman's Chinese Theater] The is the first time I knew this was a theater. I always thought it ...
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[on Grauman's Chinese Theater] The is the first time I knew this was a theater. I always thought it was the place where [Darryl F. Zanuck] sent his laundry.
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[on hosting the Oscars, when [The Godfather: Part II (1974) was in nomination] Neither Mr. Price nor...
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[on hosting the Oscars, when [The Godfather: Part II (1974) was in nomination] Neither Mr. Price nor Mr. Waterhouse has been heard from for days. I'm wearing a tuxedo with a bullet-proof cummerbund. Who knows what will happen if Al Pacino doesn't win?
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They said I was worth $500 million. If I was worth that much, I wouldn't have visited Vietnam, I'd h...
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They said I was worth $500 million. If I was worth that much, I wouldn't have visited Vietnam, I'd have sent for it.
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[Richard Nixon] lives here in Whittier, California. They're so sure he's going to be President they'...
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[Richard Nixon] lives here in Whittier, California. They're so sure he's going to be President they're building the log cabin he was born in.
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If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
[Jokingly, referring to his wife's singing "Silent Night' to troops in Vietnam] The last thing these...
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[Jokingly, referring to his wife's singing "Silent Night' to troops in Vietnam] The last thing these guys needed was sentiment. Dolores became their mother. What they needed was Raquel Welch.
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[when asked why he didn't run for President of the United States] I thought about it. But my wife sa...
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[when asked why he didn't run for President of the United States] I thought about it. But my wife said she wouldn't want to move into a smaller house.
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When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things--not the great occasions--gi...
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When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things--not the great occasions--give off the greatest glow of happiness.
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[at a USO show, 1943] Were the soldiers at the last camp happy to see me! They actually got down on ...
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[at a USO show, 1943] Were the soldiers at the last camp happy to see me! They actually got down on their knees. What a spectacle! What a tribute! What a crap game!
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I love Oscar, that little bald head. I didn't know Sinéad O'Connor had children!
I love Oscar, that little bald head. I didn't know Sinéad O'Connor had children!
[1991] Remember me? The Macaulay Culkin of 1927.
[1991] Remember me? The Macaulay Culkin of 1927.
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, e...
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I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
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Golf is my real profession--show business pays my greens fees.
Golf is my real profession--show business pays my greens fees.
[Hosting the Oscars, 1967] I will not seek nor will I accept an Oscar. Actually, I have a deal with ...
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[Hosting the Oscars, 1967] I will not seek nor will I accept an Oscar. Actually, I have a deal with the Academy. They'll negotiate if I stop bombing.
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Today's ballroom dances like the swim, the frug, the chicken and the monkey are really nervous disor...
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Today's ballroom dances like the swim, the frug, the chicken and the monkey are really nervous disorders set to music.
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[When asked by his wife where he wanted to be buried] Surprise me.
[When asked by his wife where he wanted to be buried] Surprise me.
[In reference to the Academy Awards] It's wonderful to be here in person. I couldn't be here in spir...
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[In reference to the Academy Awards] It's wonderful to be here in person. I couldn't be here in spirit, so I'm here in person.
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