Celebrities Alan Bennett, Birthday: 9 May 1934, Armley, Leeds, Yorkshire, England, UK

[on the story that he had also had a relationship with a woman] The press - I think it was the Mail ...Show more »

[on the story that he had also had a relationship with a woman] The press - I think it was the Mail - got wind of it. And somehow they then outed me as *not* being homosexual. [laughs] It was just absurd. Somehow you weren't allowed not to be what they expected you to be. There's been something of both in my life, but not enough of either. Show less «

[to Sir Ian McKellen who had asked him whether he was heterosexual or homosexual] That's a bit like ...Show more »

[to Sir Ian McKellen who had asked him whether he was heterosexual or homosexual] That's a bit like asking a man crawling across the Sahara whether he would prefer Perrier or Malvern water. Show less «

My claim to literary fame is that I used to deliver meat to a woman who became T.S. Eliot's mother-i...Show more »

My claim to literary fame is that I used to deliver meat to a woman who became T.S. Eliot's mother-in-law. Show less «

At 18 I thought that to be 'sensitive' was a writer's first requirement - with discipline and persis...Show more »

At 18 I thought that to be 'sensitive' was a writer's first requirement - with discipline and persistence nowhere. Show less «

When [Harold] Pinter turned 50 I was asked to say something and couldn't think of anything. Later I ...Show more »

When [Harold] Pinter turned 50 I was asked to say something and couldn't think of anything. Later I thought there should be a two-minute silence. Show less «

The fear is that when one gets to the Last Judgement, notwithstanding the presence of God, it will b...Show more »

The fear is that when one gets to the Last Judgement, notwithstanding the presence of God, it will be like the BAFTA awards: as long and every bit as tawdry. Show less «

I don't work on commission, I just do it on spec. If people don't want it then it's too bad.

[during a talk to a Women's Institute, recounting an incident that happened to his friend, chat-show...Show more »

[during a talk to a Women's Institute, recounting an incident that happened to his friend, chat-show host Russell Harty] Russell had been given some beta-blockers which helped to suppress the symptoms of nerves and stage fright. He put one of them in a tissue, meaning to take it just before his programme. But when he came to do so, he found it had dissolved, leaving a patch on the tissue. In the hope that some effective trace of the drug remained, he sucked this patch, and within a few minutes felt calmer and came through with flying colours. A second attack of nerves he dealt with in the same way. It was only on the way home, after the programme, that he felt in another pocket and found the original tissue with the pill intact. What he'd been sucking was some snot. Show less «

Definition of a classic: a book everyone is assumed to have read and often think they have.

[speaking in May 2015, about The Lady in the Van (2015)] The story told by this film took place 40 a...Show more »

[speaking in May 2015, about The Lady in the Van (2015)] The story told by this film took place 40 and more years ago and Miss Shepherd is long since dead. She was difficult and eccentric but above all she was poor. And these days particularly the poor don't get much of a look in. Poverty is a moral failing today as it was under the Tudors. If the film has a point, it's about fairness and tolerance and however begrudgingly helping the less fortunate, who are not well thought of these days. And now likely to be even less so. Show less «

I was very fond of my parents and got on with them. But that, of course, is a mixed blessing. Philip...Show more »

I was very fond of my parents and got on with them. But that, of course, is a mixed blessing. Philip Larkin says "They fuck you up, your mum and dad". And if your parents *do* fuck you up, and you're going to write, that's fine because then you've got something to write about. But if they *don't* fuck you up, then you've got *nothing* to write about. So then they've fucked you up good and proper. Show less «

My partner was watching Wuthering Heights (1939) and at the end he said to me "You're rather like He...Show more »

My partner was watching Wuthering Heights (1939) and at the end he said to me "You're rather like Heathcliff - awkward, northern and a c*nt". Show less «

[on turning down an honorary degree from the University of Oxford in 1999] I'm aware of the argument...Show more »

[on turning down an honorary degree from the University of Oxford in 1999] I'm aware of the arguments about bad money being put to good uses, but I still think that Murdoch (Rupert Murdoch) is not a name with which Oxford should have associated itself. Murdoch is a bully and should be stood up to publicly and so, however puny the gesture, it needs to be in the open. Show less «

[at Fountains Abbey, as shots of the abbey are being shown] It's a sad fact but it has to be acknowl...Show more »

[at Fountains Abbey, as shots of the abbey are being shown] It's a sad fact but it has to be acknowledged that, whatever the sublimity and splendour of our great abbeys, to the droves of often apathetic visitors, the monastic life only comes alive when contemplating its toilet arrangements. Not monks stumbling down the night stairs at three in the morning to sing the first office of the day, not the round of prayer and praise unceasing sent heavenwards from altar and cell - what fires the popular imagination is stuff from the reredorter plopping twenty feet into the drains. The soaring buttresses of the Chapel of the Nine Altars at Fountains account for nothing alongside what remains of a fifteen-stall latrine. Show less «

[speaking of Christopher Plummer to Kenneth Tynan] He's his own worst enemy -- but only just.

I tend not to watch anything where one person is eliminated each week. There was even a programme ab...Show more »

I tend not to watch anything where one person is eliminated each week. There was even a programme about allotments: I thought 'this'll be alright'. Then they introduced that format there! Allotments isn't a competitive activity. Show less «

[talking about having his TV plays made the specialist subject of a contestant on BBC One's Mastermi...Show more »

[talking about having his TV plays made the specialist subject of a contestant on BBC One's Mastermind (1972)] "It makes you feel dead - but lots of things do that". Show less «

I often think of myself as the last person who is a monarchist really, simply because I simply can't...Show more »

I often think of myself as the last person who is a monarchist really, simply because I simply can't imagine if we had anything in its place it would be anything but worse. Show less «

One obstacle always stopped me directing films - namely, having to say, 'Action!' My instinct would ...Show more »

One obstacle always stopped me directing films - namely, having to say, 'Action!' My instinct would be to say, 'Er, I think if everybody's agreeable we might as well sort of start now - that is if you're ready'. Show less «

I've no need to stand on my dignity or have to be a well-thought-of figure in the theatre. I can be ...Show more »

I've no need to stand on my dignity or have to be a well-thought-of figure in the theatre. I can be silly - and there is a great deal of silliness. And I enjoy that. I never think there's enough silliness in life anyway. I think that's what wrong with politicians - there's too little silliness in Downing Street. Show less «

[on Innes Lloyd] Since he died, television has changed so much. When I worked with him, it was so st...Show more »

[on Innes Lloyd] Since he died, television has changed so much. When I worked with him, it was so straightforward. I'd show him a script, he'd set it up and it was all very quickly done. Now it's a much more tortuous process. Show less «

Alan Bennett

Alan Bennett's FILMOGRAPHY

Alan Bennett'S roles

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