I couldn't warm up to Andy Kaufman if we were cremated together.
I couldn't warm up to Andy Kaufman if we were cremated together.
What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck ...
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What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up!
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[talking to Takao Yoshida about foreigners] Statistics prove that somewhere in Japan, a woman gives ...
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[talking to Takao Yoshida about foreigners] Statistics prove that somewhere in Japan, a woman gives birth to a baby every four seconds. Now I'm going to go over there and find that woman and put a stop to it so we wouldn't have people like this coming into our country.
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(to Mick Foley) "Hey Mick, where'd you get your haircut? I want to make sure I don't go there by mis...
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(to Mick Foley) "Hey Mick, where'd you get your haircut? I want to make sure I don't go there by mistake!"
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(about Goldust) "He's twisted, perverted... he's sick. Normally, I like that in a person, but..."
(about Goldust) "He's twisted, perverted... he's sick. Normally, I like that in a person, but..."
(about Mark Henry) "Look at the lips on that guy, he could french kiss a moose."
(about Mark Henry) "Look at the lips on that guy, he could french kiss a moose."
[a five year old girl cheering Shawn Michaels] Look at her! Now I know why animals eat their young.
[a five year old girl cheering Shawn Michaels] Look at her! Now I know why animals eat their young.
[talking to Jim Ross prior to a bikini contest] Should Viagra be taken now or, it takes a little whi...
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[talking to Jim Ross prior to a bikini contest] Should Viagra be taken now or, it takes a little while to kick in you know? [Jim Ross says Lawler doesn't need it] "No, I'm talking about you, J.R."
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[Sunny comes to the ring with her chest showing] I don't know what the seven wonders of the world ar...
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[Sunny comes to the ring with her chest showing] I don't know what the seven wonders of the world are, but I do know that Sunny has two of them!
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(Jim Ross said his view of Vince McMahon firing Stone Cold Steve Austin) "Well, get your head out of...
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(Jim Ross said his view of Vince McMahon firing Stone Cold Steve Austin) "Well, get your head out of your butt and you'd have a different view!"
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[on Alundra Blayze] She's got a million dollar body, but a ten cent face!
[on Alundra Blayze] She's got a million dollar body, but a ten cent face!
Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.
Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick.
[on Sable, wearing an extremely revealing outfit] I've seen more cotton on the top of an aspirin bot...
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[on Sable, wearing an extremely revealing outfit] I've seen more cotton on the top of an aspirin bottle!
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[about Debra McMichael] If her skirt were any shorter, it'd be a collar!
[about Debra McMichael] If her skirt were any shorter, it'd be a collar!
You know J.R., obviously the only exercise you get is stretching the truth or jumping to conclusions...
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You know J.R., obviously the only exercise you get is stretching the truth or jumping to conclusions.
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[on Ahmed Johnson] He has the IQ of 2 and it takes 3 just to grunt!
[on Ahmed Johnson] He has the IQ of 2 and it takes 3 just to grunt!
She wants me. I can read her like a book, but I prefer the Braille edition.
She wants me. I can read her like a book, but I prefer the Braille edition.
This bingo hall (ECW Arena) should be built out of toilet paper because there's nothing in it but s*...
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This bingo hall (ECW Arena) should be built out of toilet paper because there's nothing in it but s**t!
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(Referring to Stacy Keibler dancing on the commentators' desk) "All these curves, and no brakes!"
(Referring to Stacy Keibler dancing on the commentators' desk) "All these curves, and no brakes!"
The only reason I lost to Aldo Montoya was the intoxicating fumes there were coming off his body fro...
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The only reason I lost to Aldo Montoya was the intoxicating fumes there were coming off his body from being around Jake Roberts.
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I saw this guy having a drink in the bathroom before. Then the seat fell down and hit him on the hea...
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I saw this guy having a drink in the bathroom before. Then the seat fell down and hit him on the head!
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[Jim Ross asks why Lawler keeps referring to these fans as idiots and morons] We gave them an IQ tes...
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[Jim Ross asks why Lawler keeps referring to these fans as idiots and morons] We gave them an IQ test and the results came back negative!
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(about Mae Young) "Her wrinkles have wrinkles."
(about Mae Young) "Her wrinkles have wrinkles."
I've heard of a face that could stop a clock, her face could stop Switzerland's!
I've heard of a face that could stop a clock, her face could stop Switzerland's!
[Tazz tells Lawler to say his wise cracks to his face] Tell him to come down and I will tell him how...
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[Tazz tells Lawler to say his wise cracks to his face] Tell him to come down and I will tell him how short he is to his face. If I can bend down that far!
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Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied!
Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied!
Mabel is so huge, when he was a baby, he got baptized at Sea World!
Mabel is so huge, when he was a baby, he got baptized at Sea World!
[Jim Ross says he has two daughters] "Not packing enough chromosomes, huh? I'm sorry Ross!
[Jim Ross says he has two daughters] "Not packing enough chromosomes, huh? I'm sorry Ross!
When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts!
When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts!
[to X-Pac] If brains were chocolate, he still wouldn't fill an M&M!
[to X-Pac] If brains were chocolate, he still wouldn't fill an M&M!
"I don't think Victoria has been right since that house fell on her sister (referring to Le magicien...
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"I don't think Victoria has been right since that house fell on her sister (referring to Le magicien d'Oz (1939)).
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Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book!
Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book!
(about the Blue Meanie) "He's the reason for separate beds."
(about the Blue Meanie) "He's the reason for separate beds."
[on Mankind] That guy is two fries short of a Happy Meal.
[on Mankind] That guy is two fries short of a Happy Meal.
Mae Young is so old, when David killed Goliath, she called the cops!
Mae Young is so old, when David killed Goliath, she called the cops!
I'd like to see things from your point of view JR, but I'd have to get my head out of my rear end.
I'd like to see things from your point of view JR, but I'd have to get my head out of my rear end.
[when asked if Stu Hart was betting that Owen Hart would win the match] He gave up betting after the...
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[when asked if Stu Hart was betting that Owen Hart would win the match] He gave up betting after the Civil War.
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Women! Can't live with 'em, no resale value.
Women! Can't live with 'em, no resale value.
[to Vince McMahon] You're so cheap, you wouldn't even tip a canoe!
[to Vince McMahon] You're so cheap, you wouldn't even tip a canoe!
Diesel is so stupid, he thought Hamburger Helper came with a person.
Diesel is so stupid, he thought Hamburger Helper came with a person.
[to Jim Ross] You have diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain!"
[to Jim Ross] You have diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain!"
If Mae Young is going to breast feed, all that baby's going to get is evaporated milk.
If Mae Young is going to breast feed, all that baby's going to get is evaporated milk.
[Jim Ross mentions that Lawler would be wrestling at a local event] That's right, I'll be there. You...
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[Jim Ross mentions that Lawler would be wrestling at a local event] That's right, I'll be there. You know my only regret is that I can't sit out in the audience and watch me.
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[Jim Ross implies that Sunny is too young for Lawler] I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger wo...
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[Jim Ross implies that Sunny is too young for Lawler] I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school.
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(talking to Michael Coulthard (aka "Michael Cole") "Your proctologist called, he said he found your ...
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(talking to Michael Coulthard (aka "Michael Cole") "Your proctologist called, he said he found your head".
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[Stone Cold Steve Austin says he'll knock Vince McMahon's teeth out] "I don't think they are real an...
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[Stone Cold Steve Austin says he'll knock Vince McMahon's teeth out] "I don't think they are real anyway, but I don't think McMahon wants to lose them".
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Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them.
Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them.
Is it true that the toughest 4 years of your life was the 3rd grade?
Is it true that the toughest 4 years of your life was the 3rd grade?
Cheating is only cheating when you get caught.
Cheating is only cheating when you get caught.
(to Macho Man Randy Savage) "Nice outfit, did the bag lady give that to you?"
(to Macho Man Randy Savage) "Nice outfit, did the bag lady give that to you?"
A little sex on TV never hurt anyone...unless you fall off!
A little sex on TV never hurt anyone...unless you fall off!
I'm not a racist like Bret Hart, I hate everybody equally!
I'm not a racist like Bret Hart, I hate everybody equally!
There goes Matt Hardy! Go Matt! ...Oh wait a minute, I'm rooting for the Dudleys...somebody stop Mat...
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There goes Matt Hardy! Go Matt! ...Oh wait a minute, I'm rooting for the Dudleys...somebody stop Matt!
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This is bad! We should call the police. What's the number for the police around here again? 911-DONU...
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This is bad! We should call the police. What's the number for the police around here again? 911-DONUTS or something?
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[Terry Funk did a moonsault and hit his leg on the security railing] The only thing harder than Terr...
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[Terry Funk did a moonsault and hit his leg on the security railing] The only thing harder than Terry Funk's legs are his arteries.
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Paul Bearer is so fat, he has his own gravitational pull!
Paul Bearer is so fat, he has his own gravitational pull!
[after Vince McMahon said Road Dogg can sing as good as well as he can wrestle] Then he won't win ma...
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[after Vince McMahon said Road Dogg can sing as good as well as he can wrestle] Then he won't win many matches!
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(about the Fabulous Moolah) "She was a waitress at the last supper."
(about the Fabulous Moolah) "She was a waitress at the last supper."
The only reason why Taka Michinoku is here in this country is because there are too many people in J...
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The only reason why Taka Michinoku is here in this country is because there are too many people in Japan.
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She's had more hands on her than a doorknob.
She's had more hands on her than a doorknob.
(about Crash Holly) "Crash is so short, you can see his feet on his driver's licence photo!"
(about Crash Holly) "Crash is so short, you can see his feet on his driver's licence photo!"
Mark Henry just walked in front of me. I thought it was an eclipse!
Mark Henry just walked in front of me. I thought it was an eclipse!
Prince Albert respects the Big Boss Man so much he'd give him the hair off his back.
Prince Albert respects the Big Boss Man so much he'd give him the hair off his back.
You know what they say in Arkansas...manure happens.
You know what they say in Arkansas...manure happens.
Look at Paul Bearer. Looks like somebody dropped an ugly bomb on him.
Look at Paul Bearer. Looks like somebody dropped an ugly bomb on him.
(to Michael Cole) "She's not your type. She's not inflatable."
(to Michael Cole) "She's not your type. She's not inflatable."
(about the Spirit Squad) These guys have a future in delivering pizzas.
(about the Spirit Squad) These guys have a future in delivering pizzas.
Jake 'The Snake's' two best friends are Jim Beam & Jack Daniels.
Jake 'The Snake's' two best friends are Jim Beam & Jack Daniels.
(When asked if he was an "ass man"): "Well I must be, because everywhere I go people say, 'you're an...
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(When asked if he was an "ass man"): "Well I must be, because everywhere I go people say, 'you're an ass, man!'"
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Vince McMahon thinks Snoop Doggy Dog belongs to Charlie Brown!
Vince McMahon thinks Snoop Doggy Dog belongs to Charlie Brown!
Is that Paul Bearer's face, or did his butt grow a nose?
Is that Paul Bearer's face, or did his butt grow a nose?
Hey Finkel, the last time I saw something like you, I flushed it!
Hey Finkel, the last time I saw something like you, I flushed it!
[on seeing Shawn Michaels defeating Bret Hart in Montreal]: I was as shocked as Bret Hart was, but I...
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[on seeing Shawn Michaels defeating Bret Hart in Montreal]: I was as shocked as Bret Hart was, but I was not quite as upset!
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Women should be ob-scene and not heard.
Women should be ob-scene and not heard.
I'm not saying that Stu Hart is old, but I hear that Anna Nicole Smith is asking him out on a date.
I'm not saying that Stu Hart is old, but I hear that Anna Nicole Smith is asking him out on a date.
Everytime I look at Luna's face, I think she should put the bag back on.
Everytime I look at Luna's face, I think she should put the bag back on.
(about the Legion of Doom) "The older they get, the better they were."
(about the Legion of Doom) "The older they get, the better they were."
[commenting on the movie Congo (1995)] I've seen better film on teeth.
[commenting on the movie Congo (1995)] I've seen better film on teeth.
[about Road Dogg] When he was in Desert Storm, he was getting shot at by both sides.
[about Road Dogg] When he was in Desert Storm, he was getting shot at by both sides.
[on Owen Hart running away from Stone Cold Steve Austin] Looks like Owen opened up a can of haul-ass...
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[on Owen Hart running away from Stone Cold Steve Austin] Looks like Owen opened up a can of haul-ass!
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Yokozuna is nothing but an ingrate! If it was not for James E. Cornette, Yokozuna would still be on ...
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Yokozuna is nothing but an ingrate! If it was not for James E. Cornette, Yokozuna would still be on a beach selling shade!
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You know what they call a good looking girl in Philadelphia...a tourist.
You know what they call a good looking girl in Philadelphia...a tourist.
[about a ringside fan on camera] He can pick up cable with those ears!
[about a ringside fan on camera] He can pick up cable with those ears!
If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks?
If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks?
(Gold medalist Kurt Angle asked the Canadian wrestler, Chris Benoit, if he's such a good wrestler, w...
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(Gold medalist Kurt Angle asked the Canadian wrestler, Chris Benoit, if he's such a good wrestler, where are his gold medals?) "Canada never wins any medals!"
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When Sunny was in school she wasn't very good in history, but she was great on dates!
When Sunny was in school she wasn't very good in history, but she was great on dates!
When God said 'Let there be light', Mae Young threw the switch.
When God said 'Let there be light', Mae Young threw the switch.
(After losing the "Kiss My Foot Match" to Bret Hart at the 1995 King of the Ring) "Bret Hart, I have...
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(After losing the "Kiss My Foot Match" to Bret Hart at the 1995 King of the Ring) "Bret Hart, I have to admit it, your feet are the smelliest there is, the smelliest there was, and the smelliest there ever will be!"
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