[on Pat McCormick] One day we were all sitting in a room, waiting to audition for a voice-over. There was a woman sitting there and when they called her and she left, he went and sniffed her chair and said: "Capricorn". Show less «

[on Jack Carter] Yeah, I've worked with Jack a lot. He played my father in a television show. The first 15 minutes of every day we'd sit and wait for him to finish complaining. "God, Jesus Christ, my coffee was cold, for fuck's sake. I had to send it back and the cream was sour." All he did was complain for 15 minutes and then he would finally settle down and we would get to work. Jack is kind of manic. I love him, but I hate him. He's really hard to take and it's too bad, but I have known him forever. Show less «

[on Irwin Corey] Enrico Banducci [owner of the Hungry I nightclub in San Francisco] called me and my collaborator Larry Tucker. He said, "Hey guys, I'm here in New York and I'm looking for some new acts. Would you guys come over and tell me what you think about the new crop?" So we said sure and we're sitting at a big table. Irwin Corey walks in with his manager. His first words were, "What the fuck are these guys doing here! Goddamn leeches who come in here and eat your fucking food! What the fuck!". I mean, that's how we were greeted. I tell you, I had had it. I used to be very strong in those days. I grabbed him by the lapel and I picked him up off the floor. I said, "You are such a cocksucker, Irwin. Keep this up and I will throw you out the window--and I can do it." There was an open window and I carried him over to it. From then on he'd say, "Hi Dick, how are you?" It's funny how you have to push some people, but that's what a bastard he was. Show less «

[on Ronnie Schell] Ronnie Schell is one of the cheapest men in the world. [Stand-up comic] Thom Sharp's line: "Ronnie Schell is so cheap that when he eats alone he asks for separate checks." Show less «

[on his iconic role as Hymie the Robot in Get Smart (1965)] Hymie never stifled my career. He only enhanced it. I know kids who were named Hymie because they looked like me. Show less «

[on his short-lived series Mr. Terrific (1966)] That was a piece of crap! I didn't even audition or read or do anything. They had seen me on The Patty Duke Show (1963) where I played a musician. Kind of a good part that was very showy and I was fast-talking and glib and stuff. They saw it at Universal and said, "Man, he'd be great for the other guy in 'Mr. Terrific'." ['Willliam Schifrin''], my agent, called and said, "You wanna do it?" I said, "I don't know, it's about a guy who takes a pill and becomes a superhero . . . It sounds like shit." He said, "Yeah, it's a piece of shit, but we're guaranteed 13 episodes. Could you use the money?" I said, "Yeah." We did 13 and that was it. Goodbye . . . The guy who starred in it, Stephen Strimpell, had delusions of grandeur. He thought he was doing the Cherry Lane Theater. I mean, really. He went into a producer's office and said, "I won't say this crap!" And he threw the script in his face. I said to him, "Jesus, man, this is a kiddie show! What are you doing? Get your money, button your lip and go home." God, that's all that was, a kiddie show. I don't know what he wanted, but he was very hard to get along with. Show less «

[on William Schallert] . . . there isn't a nicer guy around. A very sweet guy.

[on Irwin Corey] The Professor Irwin Corey is incredibly brilliant and I knew him pretty well, but he is a terrible human being. Honestly. He's the lowest kind of prick you would ever want to meet. God, is he awful. I was working there [in Las Vegas] and he came in. All he did was say bad things about me, my act and my talent. Just dreadful. But I found out that it was kind of a Napoleonic thing. He was very small and I was probably a foot taller than him. Show less «

[on Buddy Hackett] Buddy Hackett was mean from the ground up. I did his show [Stanley (1956)] when I was flailing around in New York trying to get something going, when I was working clubs. He was never nice. He was just never nice. But when I got his television show I had very little to do. I was almost like an extra. Carol Burnett was in it. I tell you, he was just impossible to work with, even for Carol. Carol Burnett never knocks anybody but, boy, she does not like Buddy Hackett. When I was in Philadelphia trying out "Bye Bye Birdie", Buddy was doing a show called ["Viva] Madison Avenue". And it was getting killed. Just gettin' killed. When he found it was me who had been like an extra on his show and I was now playing the lead in "Bye Bye Birdie" and getting great reviews, it really pissed him off. So much so that one night when he was eating at Harvey House, I walked by and said hello and he took his keys and he threw them at me. He said, "Hey, Dick, bring my car around, would ya!" I said, "Certainly, Mr. Hackett." I took the keys and went back to my theater and dressing room and back to rehearsal. He looked around everywhere for his keys and couldn't find them. Four hours later he comes storming in, "Where are my fucking keys!" That's the kind of guy he was. He was . . . just . . . awful. Mean. Always an angry man. Show less «