To be a successful comedy writer you have to have a continually fertile imagination, that's what stops you from being a here today, Bros tomorrow, flash in the pan. Unfortunately, imagination is not something that you can turn on and off like a tap. Nor is it something that you can direct with pinpoint accuracy, unlike 12% of the missiles produced by the British Aerospace Industry. No, the same powers of imagination that make you think up exquisite jests and apposite drolleries are exactly the same powers of imagination that make you think that a dollop of egg mayonnaise left over from lunch that has fallen on your arm is in fact skin cancer. The same qualities of invention which help one to create this hilarious comedy are the same qualities of invention that induce in me the paranoid feeling that my pets are conspiring against me. In fact, I know they are because whenever I come in the room, they stop talking... Show less «

I did six series for the BBC and that was enough. I've been writing for ten years, which is more challenging artistically. Show less «

It seems easier to make a career out of comedy now than it was in the 1980s. Now, as a comic, if you're vaguely amusing you can go straight into TV, then you play the O2 and then everyone's sick of you. Show less «

Everyone I used to work with is still alive and can afford expensive lawyers. For me, the showbiz memoir is uninteresting - you want to tell people something they don't know about. Show less «

[on Sting] He said to me, "You're really funny, aren't you?" And I said, "Yeah".

At least Thatcher was insane. I think that Blair's insane and sanctimonious.

[on "Blue" by Joni Mitchell] That album is just pure poetry really.

Recently one of my friends decided to become a psychotherapist, so we all rallied round to help. We all went mad. Show less «

I like a laugh.

I'm in that situation where music's left me. Once they stopped selling CDs I gave up really. I don't know how to download really. Show less «

Israel is the Jimmy Savile of nation states. It clearly doesn't care about damaging the lives of children. Show less «

It's a quieter life than being on the telly but no one's been snide in their book reviews like people can be in TV reviews. I'm an intellectual. I'd have been given a medal in France. It's still a struggle here. People used to think I was just a shouty comic but I was doing stuff about Sartre. Show less «

[on Ben Elton] We all felt with Ben that what motivated him primarily was popularity and power. But the problem with pursuing that popularity, I think, for him, is that it can never make you happy. Show less «